A powerful way of lowering stress for both ourselves and our children is to practice a little bit of meditation together. Doing this will bring greater calm, connection, and ease for the family as a whole. Many of us have zero opportunity to meditate independently, so meditating with our children is a great way of giving ourselves a moment, too.
One of the harder parts of parenting during the pandemic is that we adults may be experiencing high levels of stress which can carry over into the atmosphere at home. Our children almost certainly pick up on these vibes.
A powerful way of lowering anxiety for both ourselves and our children is to practice a little bit of meditation together. Doing this will bring greater calm, connection, and ease for the family as a whole. Besides, many of us now have zero opportunity to meditate independently, so meditating with our children is a great way of giving ourselves a moment, too.
With older children, family meditation might take the form of simply cuddling on the couch quietly and breathing together, or you can both do a short meditation together from the Ten Percent app. With younger children, you can take advantage of a magical window of opportunity known as bedtime.
Bedtime is a space that occurs between the busyness of the day and the quiet rest at night. A lot of us already have bedtime routines, such as baths, story time, drawing curtains, tucking in, and last hugs and kisses. This is just one more element-- a short, 3- to 5-minute meditation.
There are many types of meditations you could do, but I’d like to suggest lovingkindness meditation. Children connect especially with this heart-based meditation because it’s highly visual, gives them warm fuzzies, and progresses in a very clear, step by step way. My two children and I practiced this meditation together every night for about five years, and they loved it.
As far as age range, it depends on your child. My younger sister, a working mom of two, tried lovingkindness meditation with her very active two-year-old daughter. I was skeptical that a child so young could follow this at all. But I was wrong! Emma both leads the meditation and requests it.
At the other end, one father I know practiced bedtime meditation with his sons all the way through their teen years. So, this meditation lands well for a wide range of ages.
There are several guided lovingkindness meditations available on the Happier app. I’ll focus here on how I adapted the practice to do it with my kids.
First, I’d get my kids tucked in—fortunately, they were both in the same room for many years—and then I would lie down somewhere. The lights were out but the room had a soft glow from a small nightlight. I would ask them to name one person and pick one animal for sending lovingkindness to. This part will make more sense in a minute.
To get them settled in, I would have my children take a few deep breaths in and exhale, “Ah” loudly. Then I would say, “Snuggling into our blankets, letting our bodies melt into the mattress, letting go of all the worries of the day, becoming soft, heavy, and relaxed, now we begin our meditation.”
Most lovingkindness meditations use short phrases that direct our attention towards generating a loving and kind intention. In my family, we used the phrases “May you be happy, may you be healthy, and may you be safe and cozy.” I added the word cozy, which you don’t hear too often in traditional meditations, because it invoked the coziness we already felt snuggled under our blankets in the quiet room and conveyed a sense of being hugged by kindness.
We’d start with lovingkindness for ourselves. I would say out loud, while the kids thought to themselves, “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe and cozy.”
Then, we’d turn to the person they’d chosen, for example, grandma. “May grandma be happy, May grandma be healthy, may grandma be safe and cozy.” Be sure to leave long pauses between each phrase so that your child can take time to really feel and send their wishes along.
(And of course, if thinking about grandma’s safety is too stressful right now, please guide your children to choose someone else.)
Next, we’d turn to an animal or an aspect of the natural world, such as dogs, crickets, and oceans, again as selected earlier. “May all the rainforests be happy, healthy, safe and cozy.”
And then finally, we’d imagine our kindness extending outward to every being in the whole world. “May all beings be happy. May all being be healthy. May all beings be safe and cozy.”
At the end of the meditation, you may want to be still and quiet for a minute or so. You can close however you wish, with a gentle breath, with a kiss, with a blessing. This meditation, which takes maybe 3 or 4 minutes, is a beautiful transition to sleep.
In fact, while you’re at it, maybe share some of that lovingkindness with yourself – it’s such a hard time right now! Go ahead, put one or both hands on our own heart. Using your inner voice, with as much sincerity as you can, say to yourself, “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe. May I be at peace.”
Indeed, may it be so.
