It Is What It Is

One of the more annoying meditation clichés is the familiar tautology “It is what it is.”

The phrase is at once ubiquitous and, seemingly, meaningless. It can literally apply to anything that exists. It sometimes functions as a spiritual merit badge, meant to display the pseudo-wisdom of the person who says it. It was even bandied back and forth during the 2020 election.

And yet, I’m here to defend it. Every cliché has a grain of truth in it, after all, and “it is what it is” has a particularly good grain, especially these days.

In meditation specifically and in a mindful life more broadly, “it is what it is” is actually a very useful instruction. It refers to seeing things as they are, without the overlays of our own preferences, stories, or fantasies about them. 

To take a mundane meditation example, suppose you’re sitting and you notice that your knee hurts. The mindful way to relate to that experience is to notice “knee pain”—or even, as your meditation practice gets more refined, the subtle sensations that make up that pain, like pressure or heat—and move along. Yes, the sensation is unpleasant—that can be noticed too—but ideally, it’s just another thing to notice and let go of, hopefully with some equanimity and self-compassion.

Of course, our minds don’t work that way. More often than not, we react to the knee pain, rather than merely notice it. Ouch! Often, we go off on a whole series of mental tangents. I need to move my leg—oh but someone said not to move. What should I do? I hate this. Or even, I wish I could meditate but I just can’t. I hate my body. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I do this? 

And so on, and so on, and so on.

These thoughts arise not because you are a terrible meditator, but because it’s the nature of the human mind to think them. And this kind of associative thinking is often very helpful. Definitely, there’s no need to scold yourself for having a wandering mind, or wishing that knee pain would go away, or failing to ‘just notice’ a painful sensation. None of this needs to be repressed – it, too, is just more “grist for the mill.” More stuff to notice, hold with compassion, and then let go. It is what it is. Or as my teacher Sylvia Boorstein once put it, it’s not what I wanted, but it’s what I’ve got. Here it is.

All this, just from a bit of knee pain. 

Of course, “it is what it is” isn’t dogma. If your knee pain is getting severe, move your leg. If it comes up every time you meditate, change the way you’re sitting. And if it’s a real problem in your life, see a doctor.

But in meditation, “it is what it is” is a portal to equanimity. Equanimity doesn’t mean you necessarily like what’s going on (that’s joy, not equanimity), but it means you’re holding it in a loving, wise way. You’re seeing it clearly—including whatever emotions come up around it—and accepting it. It is what it is.

Obviously, relating to knee pain is not the main point. The point is relating to life, especially difficult parts of life, like tragedies, disappointments, sickness, death, and grief, with a similar kind of equanimity.

Said sincerely, rather than fake-spiritually, “it is what it is” can be a profound expression of this. Often, it’s very difficult to say. When we experience loss, for example, we typically go through many of the classic stages of grief precisely to deny that the loss is what it is. It’s just too hard at first, whether the loss is the death of a loved one, or a breakup, or forced changes in the way we live our lives, such as all of us have experienced over the last year.

But to eventually grow, live, and feel again, at some point, we have to accept that reality is what it is.

This is true on a public scale as well. Millions of people are in denial about the reality of the pandemic, saying it’s no big deal, or a vast conspiracy, or something else. (Conveniently, denial exists across the political spectrum, so this is not a political point.) But that denial makes the tragedy worse. Same with climate change, systemic racism, and other painful truths of our century. By resisting reality, we make the problems worse.

So, sure, “it is what it is” can be a cliché. It can be used to deny responsibility, or to pretend that things are okay when they’re not. (“I’m fine… it is what it is.”) A lot depends on how we say it, on tone, on how much mindful seeing accompanies it.

But over the past year, I’ve relearned the value of “it is what it is,” precisely because of its simplicity. It says very little on the surface, but what lies beneath it can be profound.