Coping with Uncertainty

Over the last month, life has revealed to us once again a deep truth: the truth of uncertainty. We may have thought the pandemic was over, and now it isn’t -- especially for the unvaccinated. We may have thought we could put away our masks, and now, at least in some cases, we can’t.

Yet uncertainty is the underlying reality of life. It’s what’s always been true: everything is unstable, temporary. Nothing is as solid as it appears. Our belief that everything is predictable is a kind of delusion.

When I step back and look at it, that process of delusion is kind of remarkable. The mind is so powerful that it paints a picture of stability in a world that changes from moment to moment, from day to day.

In many Buddhist traditions, seeing through this delusion--and seeing directly the reality of uncertainty and impermanence--is a central feature of meditation practice. In intensive meditation, the mind becomes stable, steady and clear enough to see how rapidly everything is changing on a moment-to-moment basis. Even sitting still and breathing is a constantly changing set of dynamic processes.

This new phase of the pandemic has shown us the same truth on a macro scale.

From the perspective of the heart, the real issue is not the uncertainty itself; it’s our relationship to it. And for me, the most liberating question is not “how do I regain control” because we never really had control in the first place. The liberating question is, “How am I relating to this?”

After all, we can’t control most of what happens in life, but we do have some say over how we relate to things. We can bring our meta-cognitive awareness online and consider, “How much control do I actually have here?” When we do this, we can stop wasting our mental, emotional and physical energy trying to influence things beyond our control, and instead focus on our internal landscape: what we do with our mind and heart, how we think, and where we place our attention.

The Dalai Lama, who of course has known profound pain and dislocation in his life, once put it very simply. He said, “If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.”

So, when you notice anxiety, tension, fear, or worst-case scenarios spinning out, that’s the time to pause and take a deep breath. Feel your body. Notice the sights and sounds around you. Feel the support of the ground beneath you. Then, recall this truth that everything changes. “This too shall pass.”

This isn’t about disconnecting or cutting ourselves off from what we feel. Rather, it’s about keeping an even keel when the seas are rough. If you imagine a boat in a storm, you’ll realize that it doesn’t stay perfectly level. It rocks and sways with the swells. Having a keel doesn’t mean we don’t feel moved by the changes of life. It means that when the big waves come, our boat doesn’t capsize. Maintaining perspective helps us to roll with the waves and with each swell. It brings us back to a quiet knowing deep in our heart and helps us return to upright, to find our center again.

Working with change in this way helps us to trust in the present moment. There is no place else we can live, nowhere to run to, no better, happier, or safer place somewhere “over there.” It’s when we can breathe and ease into the reality of this moment that we find true inner freedom. It’s a freedom that comes not from controlling life, but from a flexible inner strength that can meet the hard stuff with a steady eye, that can be with whatever happens.

This freedom is not just for ourselves. When we’re able to find inner stability and balance in times of great change, we’re more available for others. We’re able to be there for our kids, for our parents, neighbors and coworkers. When we are in touch with the truth of uncertainty, we’re able to bring forth the beautiful qualities of our heart: kindness, patience, compassion, generosity. Then, we become a source of support, comfort and strength for those around us.