#561. How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco
Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.
Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.
This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.
In this episode we talk about:
- Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
- The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory”
- The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness
- Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
- What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
- How to reframe social rejection
- The importance of generosity
- How to handle conflict with your friends
- The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
- When to walk away from a relationship
- How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
- How to deal with social anxiety
- And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends
Where to find Dr. Marisa G. Franco online:
Website: drmarisagfranco.com
Social Media:
Books Mentioned:
- Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends
- Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community
Other Resources Mentioned:
- How to Speak Clearly, Calmly, and Without Alienating People | Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker
- Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen
- The Brain Science of Enlightenment | Rick Hanson
- A Buddhist Recipe for Handling Turmoil | Kaira Jewel Lingo
- How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
- What Science and Buddhism Say About How to Regulate Your Own Nervous System | Deb Dana & Kaira Jewel Lingo
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